on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
