just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
