Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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