What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sarcasm needs its own font
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
