shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
