i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
