She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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