need another drink. this is the easiest way
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
