Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
