its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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