she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
