I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
