My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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