They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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