McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
