Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
