sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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