You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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