last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
