it's great music for shaving your balls
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
