Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
