you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
