Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
