It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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