I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
