Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
