so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
