There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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