two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
