She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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