allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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