Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize