New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
