I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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