Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
