I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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