If i could tip my vagina, i would.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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