i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
