Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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