so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
