We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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