Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
