I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
wanna go halves on a baby?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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