So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
