The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
