Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
