We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
