we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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