i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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