I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
